As I write this Blog, I remember how I felt for the first few months after Paula died. I would get that anxious feeling of despair that no one can help me. I often felt totally lost, and then God intervened in my mind.
That's the Holy Spirit. I never want to go back to those awful feelings of desperation. Close with me, and the moment's silence was the Holy Spirit opening up doors of wisdom.
These important doors made me realize I'm strong enough to overcome this. By the grace of the Spirit, I slowly began to feel more secure in myself than I ever had in my life.
I prayed for God to help me, and He did. God showed me through the Holy Spirit that I had two significant people who needed me. They were Denny and Ellen, the closest to me in the world. They are a gift from God to be with me for many years to come.
Following is dialog in my book, THIRTY – Chapter 5, Positive Therapy – Joy – Spiritual Intervention, Pages 152 – 155:
I learned how to meditate on helpful and supportive intuitive feelings because they are priceless to receive, and you must carefully examine and appreciate their meaning and learn how to implement them in your life. Respect these positive feelings, which I will again call priceless, and appreciate the importance of what joy is. Joy gives the desire to want to live a good wholesome life once again. The joy that I allowed myself to feel added so much importance to my life; it was open to other purposes to live for. If I wanted to continue my life and live it if I could, I had to learn what gives me this joy. I was the only one who could help myself when the Holy Spirit intervened with me. My first step was to recognize it as a spiritual intervention, a spiritual message. This was not hard for me. When I felt that good feeling inside, I knew this was the beginning of working sadness out of my life. I am the one responsible for taking control of my life. The Holy Spirit may be my blessing to show me how to heal my life, but doing the action to get me there was my obligation. I am accountable for securing my soul's deliverance to Heaven. I worked very hard on finding joy and reaching out for it.
I realized that positive feelings are the food that feeds the soul. Joy was the blessing of gifts I received from God that put me on the right road. I began the healing process of learning how to live a good life in my new world. It took hard work, many tears, and many years. In this case, there was no "easy process" to bring joy to my world. Before Paula died, I did not acknowledge the significance of having joy in my everyday life. Afterward, when I felt joy, I respected and accepted it as a gift from my Maker. Spiritual thoughts and feelings did not replace the loss of Paula's presence, but they did give me joy, which was a positive feeling for the moment. I realized that positive feelings are the food that feeds the soul. Joy was the blessing of gifts I received from God and put me on the right road. I began the healing process of learning how to live a good life in my new world.
I committed to God to open my mind and know He is always around me if I want Him. I began acknowledging Him more and more as every day went by. I knew He would not leave me if I continued to want His help. I started reading "Near Death Experiences" by credible authors. I found myself liking to read about witnesses of Heaven as it brought me closer to a confirmation that Paula was there. If I found the authors credible, I found a desire to learn more. Reading books on spirituality added information to my memory bank on the afterlife and affirmed many of my beliefs as true. There is a saying that "God helps those who help themselves."
Reading is a way of getting help. I always thought I was a believer, but Paula's death created a new beginning of believing in God. When I learned something new about my faith, including the afterlife, angels, saints, or Gospels of the Lord, I would be thankful. When I prayed to God, I received positive spiritual information. It was as though my mind was becoming a sponge. I wanted more and more knowledge about Christianity. This is one of the examples of how I have changed my way of living and who I have become. I not only accepted my faith, but I also wanted to know everything about the Bible.
We need positive interaction with others because it builds our faith and gives us direction in being better parents. When parents strongly believe in God, it strengthens our backbone in times of tragedy. I shudder to imagine where I would have gone without God beside me when Paula died. I know I would have never held up as well as I did. I will always believe the Holy Spirit watched over me and filled me with information on what I needed to do to complete my earthly existence here on earth.
There were many worthwhile changes I incurred due to Paula's death. The most rewarding is my relationship with Mary. I became closer to Mary, and I felt more confident with myself about everything. It opened a new world for me. I continue to pray to her every day through the Rosary. I ask her for guidance and to continue to lead me. I consider myself one of her sheep and know she loves me. There is good and bad in everything that happens to us. When Paula died, I knew I was beginning the healing process when I had the desire to live again with happiness. With time, my depression lifted, and I started experiencing the "real" pleasure and joy in my earthly life. Mary wants this for all of us. I knew all I had to do was ask her for help and listen to my intuition — she had never failed me.
I finally realized and accepted the reality that I would never have the same type of happiness I once had when Paula was alive. That has changed because I do not have her physically anymore to interact with. That was a special time when I had my two daughters living here on earth. We were living our lives together and separated as best as possible. We are all individuals, yet we are one because that's family. My father used to say to me, "Pray to believe and never take the risk of not believing in God. Having a good life is based on your relationship with Him." I also realized that if you believe and have faith, there will be a day when all of us are together in eternity. Why not believe this? It made sense to me; it is better to believe than not to believe. Not believing will get you nowhere. Believing makes you feel good and helps you in everyday life to have good days instead of being down and out.
The most important criterion I must meet daily is to be as healthy as possible. I must feel good even to want to do something with my time. Get a good doctor, have a checkup, and follow through with what you need to do to become stronger. Get rest when you need it. Exercise, and this can be done with simple instructions. Get up at 7:00 a.m. and dress comfortably according to the weather, then start your day with a walk. Start small walks and graduate according to your pain level and energy. Feeling physically fit helps to bring joy into your life.
~ Carole J. Sluski
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