There are many kinds of pain one can experience in their lifetime. Have you ever had an open wound, such as a cut on your hand? You didn’t go to a doctor because you assumed it would heal on its own.
However, days passed, and you began to experience severe physical pain. You could see the degree of infection intensify and understand why you are experiencing the feeling of pain. I consider this physical pain, and it is visible. Mental pain can be more severe because you cannot see it and don’t quite know what is happening to you. You cannot see the source of the pain because it is present as an emotion. Then, one morning I became an expert in this type of pain, which lasted for years, and was healed by God’s grace.
This mental pain I am referring to caused me grief due to the death of my daughter, Paula. The wound surfaced in my mind, and I felt the pain in my heart. I’m writing about this topic because I believe every person who has lost a loved one experiences their loss as the worst mental pain in their lifetime. My continual grief of her death brought illness to my body. She was no longer with me in my earthly life; all I had left were memories. My suffering led to future years of various illnesses and challenging recoveries over thirty-plus years. It was as if I were on a teeter-totter to stay alive.
I’ve talked to many parents, especially moms who lost a child, and they agree. This loss became the origin of future physical suffering. My hurting heart and repeated crying led to anxiety and depression. Then physical ailments, one after another, surfaced, and physical pain became part of my daily life. Due to my desire to live and faith in God, I turned my life over to Him.
Following is dialog in my book, THIRTY – Chapter 6, God is Good – Health, Pages 207 – 209:
When I remember all the pain and problems I had with my physical health since Paula died, I know God was so good to me. During thirty years, I encountered several illnesses, one after another, wearing down my body to the point of causing permanent damage. Before Paula’s death, I was in excellent physical condition. Afterward, I had one physical problem after another. From day one, I was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressants. Three months after Paula passed, my left knee, which was arthritic from birth, started swelling and caused pain. It became difficult to walk. I went to an orthopedic doctor, and the diagnosis was to have a knee replacement. I went through that surgery, and it was successful. I was able to walk better than before surgery. However, it remained arthritic, and I had to baby it.
Summarizing the first twenty years, severe illnesses and surgeries began after the first knee replacement. I wound up having four back surgeries due to degenerative disk disease. I think my back was misaligned because of my knee; I favored it for many months and had severe pain in my lower back. Over the next twenty years, I had another three back surgeries, which completed a total lumbar fusion. I had two metal bars and twelve four-inch screws in my back. This hardware was to remain in me for the rest of my life. Because of the disk problem, my spine was permanently curved, leaving one hip slightly higher than the other, and that caused a “gate” problem with walking. I did a lot of physical therapy over thirty years whenever I needed help walking better or eliminating some of the aftermath pain due to muscle weakness.
Between the surgeries, I developed fibromyalgia, have been continually treated for this illness, and remain on medication. Next was multiple sclerosis; I believe the MS went into remission approximately seven years ago due to a miraculous intervention from Heaven. I lost a small amount of memory due to scars caused by MS in the brain, and the good news; I have no symptoms present at this time. The only problem I continue to have to date is migraine headaches, and I am treated with Botox for injections in the head, neck, and shoulders by a Neurologist.
Please note my illnesses end on page 212 in my book, and the script will continue in my next Blog, A Time to Heal – Part II.
~ Carole J. Sluski