Looking back over my life as a young mother with Ellen as my first newborn, I was only twenty-one. Then, I became a mother of my second newborn baby, Paula, at the young age of twenty-two years old. I honestly don’t remember it being difficult, even though I had two babies in diapers and I was always busy. I remember it as a time when I cherished having my little family, just me, Jim, and the girls. I had one regret during that period, and if I could make a change, I would have brought God more into our lives. I could do this by practicing my faith in going to church more often than I did. I was a strong young mother and should have tried harder to get to Sunday Mass. I believed in God and wished I had the fortitude to be more organized and faithful in the Sunday Mass ceremony by going every week.
On the days we did go to Mass, my daughters received a learning experience which was the beginning of adapting to living a Christian life with God. Even though they were too young to understand the meaning of the Mass, the performance of the Mass started to be part of their life. The Mass is a positive introduction to their everyday life of living a Christian existence. The seed of God was planted in their life stronger with each visit to church. The good news is both girls, as infants, were baptized in the Catholic faith.
The cliché, “those who pray together, stay together,” is one I believe to be true. I realize that when everything flows smoothly in life and is wonderful, I do not always think of God. The spiritual growth I experienced and lived in my life from when Paula died until now is that I am with God every day, whether I’m having a good or bad day. Faith is present in my life and part of my existence. I don’t pray or say the Rosary because I’m having a bad day or things are not going right. I say the Rosary because it is my way of being close to Mary and Jesus and a special time in my day to say thank you for all the good and beautiful moments in my day. It is also a time I can express particular needs, which will help me survive and live with God being present within me every day.
Thank you, Mother Mary, for giving me the tool of the Holy Rosary. Thank you, Jesus, for showing me the way to live on this day.
Following is dialog in my book, THIRTY – Chapter 5, Positive Therapy–Joy–Spiritual Intervention, Pages 154– 156:
We need positive interaction with others because it builds our faith and gives us direction in being better parents. When parents strongly believe in God, it strengthens our backbone in times of tragedy. I shudder to imagine where I would have gone without God beside me when Paula died. I know I would have never held up as well as I did. I will always believe the Holy Spirit watched over me and filled me with information on what I needed to do to complete my earthly existence here on earth.
There were many worthwhile changes I incurred due to Paula’s death. The most rewarding is my relationship with Mary. I became closer to Mary, and I felt more confident with myself about everything. It opened a new world for me. I continue to pray to her every day through the Rosary. I ask her for guidance and to continue to lead me. I consider myself one of her sheep and know she loves me. There is good and bad in everything that happens to us. When Paula died, I knew I was beginning the healing process when I had the desire to live again with happiness. With time, my depression lifted, and I started experiencing the “real” pleasure and joy in my earthly life. Mary wants this for all of us. I knew all I had to do was ask her for help and listen to my intuition—she had never failed me.
I finally realized and accepted the reality that I would never have the same happiness I once had when Paula was alive. That has changed because I do not have her physically anymore to interact with. That was a special time when I had my two daughters living here on earth. We were living our lives together and separated as best as possible. We are all individuals, yet we are one because that’s family. My father used to say to me, “Pray to believe and never take the risk of not believing in God. Having a good life is based on your relationship with Him.” I also realized that if you believe and have faith, there will be a day when all of us are together in eternity. Why not believe this? It made sense to me; it is better to believe than not to believe. Not believing will get you nowhere. Believing makes you feel good and helps you in everyday life to have good days instead of being down and out.
The most important criterion I must meet daily is to be as healthy as possible. I must feel good even to want to do something with my time. Get a good doctor, have a checkup, and follow through with what you need to do to become stronger. Get rest when you need it. Exercise, and this can be done with simple instructions. Get up at 7:00 a.m. and dress comfortably according to the weather, then start your day with a walk. Start small walks and graduate according to your pain level and energy. Feeling physically fit helps to bring joy into your life.
I learned the feeling of joy gave me more reason to live and added importance to my life. If I wanted to continue living as long as possible, I had to learn more about myself and what gives me joy. I was the only one who could help myself with the grace of the Holy Spirit intervening. My first step was to recognize this intervention as a spiritual message—this was simple—when I felt good feelings inside, I became excited to know I could feel joy once again. “Over thirty years, yes, I learned what I can do to be happy, and I have been happy for many years now.”
~ Carole J. Sluski